May 2012
4 posts
I keep burping and all I can think about is how gas is being produced by the decaying flesh in my stomach. Eating meat is gross. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’m dying for some affection.
To the point where the cuddle parties on Craigslist are becoming appealing. What a scary thought.
Someone hold me :(
April 2012
5 posts
I’m at my highest weight ever and I want to die.
I’ve broken the 300 lb threshold for the second time ever, with a few pounds extra this time, and I’ve been at it for days, not just a day or two like before.
I just don’t know what I’m going to do with myself.
pork2k:
I used to be really obsessed with Bright...
I’m pretty sure Beyonce made a tumblr just to remind me how ugly I am.
I’m thinking about just dropping the rest of the semester.
On a brighter note, this week isn’t a complete waste. Totally looking forward to an after-Easter clearance candy binge! If there was a way to eat myself to death, this would definitely be the end of me.
March 2012
8 posts
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I can’t take it anymore
I’m fasting I HAVE TO
fuck
Feeling very down lately. I had a hypomanic episode for the past few weeks and now I’m just falling into a depression.
I’m at a very high weight, maybe my highest but I’m too scared to weigh myself to find out. I HAVE TO do something about this. I know this is an awful thing to say, but I wish I could restrict like I used to :(
I’m having fleeting thoughts of suicide and...
I learned of the suicide of a person I follow here on tumblr this morning and it is weighing heavy on my heart. I want to say more, but I can’t make the words feel right.
I follow all these blogs of these rad fat women whose bodies I absolutely adore and I would love to look like, yet I have a body that looks like some of those bodies and I hate my body. I’m super body-positive when it comes to other people, but when it comes to my body I just can’t seem to love my own. I see something different when I look at my own body. Most days I just can’t...
I’ve saved up a little money so I think I’m going to spen it on some nice, heavy duty shapewear.
I’m at a really high weight right now.
February 2012
18 posts
What? School?….. What school?
Class? What Class? Go to class?
Me…..?
I've been sitting here writing text posts for some...
Someday I will have my own family, a family of choice.
I just have to keep telling myself this.
My parents are constantly yelling at me for sleeping too much during the day.
Why don’t they ever ask why I sleep so much? Why don’t they ever ask me how I’m feeling? They know sleeping is a symptom, so why don’t they care?
Trauma group was very unsettling today. That’s why I don’t want to be conscious.
It seems like for every body-positive blog I follow, I follow two more ‘thinspo’ blogs.
One step forward, two steps back.
HE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT...
A cute guy I met online (who has actually seen me irl) wants to text me :0
Aka he’s seen me with his own eyes, in person and not only did he NOT run away screaming, he actually thinks I’m cute :3
jewphemism:
what is a hunger game is that a thinspo blog
January 2012
6 posts
I’m in such a fucking bad mood right now. I’m having an ‘angry at the world’ moment.
I’m mad at my mom because she is holding a grudge. I’m mad at myself for acting out in my eating disorder. I’m mad at thinspo blogs for glamorizing the hell I go through every day. I’m mad at myself for being sexually abused. I’m mad that I’m mad at...
eating disorder: why do you eat so much?
me: because fuck you that's why
I think i’ll start using this Tumblr more.
I had a pretty good day. My therapist says I need to figure what kind of guys/girls I’m into, and to start exploring my confident and ”sexy” side. Yeah, I about died laughing at that last part. Anyway, I did lots of people watching. I noticed there is a cute guy in my Employment Skills class. I talked to one girl before class, and...
Another week, another identity crisis.
November 2011
7 posts
This year, I am Thankful for the ability to step...
my goals for 2012 are to lose weight and not kill myself
If I could just snap my fingers and look like anyone in the world instantly, I’d want to look like Felice Fawn. Like, how is she even real?
October 2011
7 posts
I’m supposed to go out tonight for Halloween but I somehow ended up cruising weight loss blogs which evetually led me to thinspo blogs and now I feel like shit about myself and don’t ever want to leave the house again. Awesome.
