February 2012
17 posts
Someday I will have my own family, a family of choice.
I just have to keep telling myself this.
My parents are constantly yelling at me for sleeping too much during the day.
Why don’t they ever ask why I sleep so much? Why don’t they ever ask me how I’m feeling? They know sleeping is a symptom, so why don’t they care?
Trauma group was very unsettling today. That’s why I don’t want to be conscious.
It seems like for every body-positive blog I follow, I follow two more ‘thinspo’ blogs.
One step forward, two steps back.
HE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT...
A cute guy I met online (who has actually seen me irl) wants to text me :0
Aka he’s seen me with his own eyes, in person and not only did he NOT run away screaming, he actually thinks I’m cute :3
jewphemism:
what is a hunger game is that a thinspo blog
January 2012
6 posts
I’m in such a fucking bad mood right now. I’m having an ‘angry at the world’ moment.
I’m mad at my mom because she is holding a grudge. I’m mad at myself for acting out in my eating disorder. I’m mad at thinspo blogs for glamorizing the hell I go through every day. I’m mad at myself for being sexually abused. I’m mad that I’m mad at...
eating disorder: why do you eat so much?
me: because fuck you that's why
I think i’ll start using this Tumblr more.
I had a pretty good day. My therapist says I need to figure what kind of guys/girls I’m into, and to start exploring my confident and ”sexy” side. Yeah, I about died laughing at that last part. Anyway, I did lots of people watching. I noticed there is a cute guy in my Employment Skills class. I talked to one girl before class, and...
Another week, another identity crisis.
November 2011
7 posts
This year, I am Thankful for the ability to step...
my goals for 2012 are to lose weight and not kill myself
If I could just snap my fingers and look like anyone in the world instantly, I’d want to look like Felice Fawn. Like, how is she even real?
October 2011
7 posts
I’m supposed to go out tonight for Halloween but I somehow ended up cruising weight loss blogs which evetually led me to thinspo blogs and now I feel like shit about myself and don’t ever want to leave the house again. Awesome.
There are some things going on right now that I might talk about at a later date, and I’m having a really hard time coping.
I cut for the first time in a year.
But mostly, I’ve been dealing with my emotions by eating.
Or should I say, avoiding them. I just eat until the physical pain of being so full overpowers the emotional pain. And I don’t purge. I eat until it hurts so...
I am becoming increasingly lonely.
So lonely that I’ve actually googled ‘how to make friends’ several times now.
I just don’t know how to make friends. I just don’t.
I have two classes on campus. I’m about half-way through the quater and I haven’t even made acquaintances. There is one girl in both of my classes who seems really cool. She sits one person...
August 2011
1 post
July 2011
5 posts
There is so much I wish I knew about the world. It makes me sad to think about how much I’ve missed out on my education. I crave to learn new things, to be challenged intellectually, to broaden my knowledge, but my emotional issues always seem to get in the way of these things.
I’ve been having eating problems~~ the past couple of days, and I feel like shit. I was doing well for a bit, but then I was gaining weight, so now I’m in this restricting-b/ping phase, which is always a little weird for me (the restricting part), which doesn’t last long anyway. I kept under well under 800cal for a few days (like I said, it doesn’t last long) but for the...
Sometimes I can’t tell the difference between a dream and real life.
June 2011
4 posts
I don't like cats.
2 tags
my hair smelled like you
so I washed it and washed and wash
my hair smelled like you
so I shaved it off
my clothes smelled like you
so I washed them and washed and wash
my clothes smelled like you
so I burned them
May 2011
4 posts
I’m thinking about getting my hair cut tomorrow.
My mom has always told me that fat girls shouldn’t have short hair.
But I’ve always wanted short hair.
And I’m not getting any skinnier.
So fuck it.
I'm conflicted.
Does amount of love depend on degree of health? If I really did love my body, I’d take better care of it, so am I being a hypocrite? If I embrace my body, does that mean I’m saying it is okay, as is? Thus denying that I need a healthier lifestyle? I’m unhealthy, I’m not denying the fact. So is it okay to love my body?